so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
