ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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