I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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