OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
