I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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