I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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