"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
birth control should be required to get into college
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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