I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
