Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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