If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
