One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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