bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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