it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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