i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
