I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Enjoy the penises
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
