She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
