oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
