and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
