Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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