Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
