um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
