It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
