I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
