Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
