I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
