i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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