I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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