and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
