It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
