A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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