the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize