you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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