he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
