Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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