It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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