Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
