Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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