omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
