you traded sex for a burrito?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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