Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
