How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The power of my boobs compel you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize