also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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