LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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