forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's the barista slut.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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