I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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