Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
