i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
