wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
