if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
