he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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