Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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