I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
