so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
