Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
