And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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