please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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