Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
