I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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