every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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