i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
