what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
