i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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