Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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