just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
