I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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