Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
