please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize