you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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