His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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