Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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