Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
