we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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