Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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