A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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