I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
