no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
