Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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