she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
