I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize