please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
