You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
