1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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