Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
