i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
