my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
