Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
did i just pee glitter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
