I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
