but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
