woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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