And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize