i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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