hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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