Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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