pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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