I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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