He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
