my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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