You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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