I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
