went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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