Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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