They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
