he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
