Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
