SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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