I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
