i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
