Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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