The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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