My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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