I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
