And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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