did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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